Does Carrying Condoms Make You a Prostitute?

According to a recent case, no. While this seems like commons sense, this has been a question for some time, as having condoms is often included in evidence against those who are being charged with prostitution. A judge in New York City has ruled in favor of a woman who was arrested on charges of “loitering for the purpose of engaging in a prostitution offense.” She was arrested for talking to men in an area “frequented by prostitution.” Additionally, she had condoms in her bag.

Wow…what a slut! Clearly the only reason that a woman would talk to men on a street at night or have condoms in her bag is because she is a sex worker. Forget being lost and asking for directions or wanting to be prepared to have safe sex were the situation to arise.

This is a clear violation of the woman’s rights. Further, all women should be able to carry condoms or other barriers without being labeled a sex worker. Thankfully, in this case the judge understood this and ruled in favor of the woman in question. However, this is more than just a question of women having condoms or talking to men on a street, it’s about the devaluing and even criminalizing of women’s sexuality. Contrary to popular belief, women are sexual beings, and, as such, have the right to make their own decisions about their sexuality, which includes being sexually active and even being a sex worker.

Sexuality is often a taboo area. When it comes to women, society enforces double standards which allow for men to have much more freedom when it comes to sexuality than women. Women are held to a standard that they must be “pure” and only engage in heterosexual sex within martial relationships. If a woman’s sexuality does not fit into these parameters, then she is devalued, labeled and judged. It is time for this to end. Women’s autonomy (I know, you thought that autonomous women were a myth) extends to their sexuality, and they have the right to make decisions about sex, plan ahead, and protect themselves in sexual relationships without consequence. I hope that this case will serve as an example for further cases and allow for the mainstream view of women’s sexuality to change.

You can read the article I cited from in its entirety here at change.org

At the Intersection

Hello everyone! I hope everybody enjoyed their summer vacation away from the worries of papers, tests, and academia. This summer I started working at the Women’s Resource Center while taking summer classes. One of the most profound classes I took this summer (or during my entire career at Northern) was in American Sign Language: AHRS 101.

As I jump back into this semester, I do so with a new found determination to appreciate intersecting identities, particularly since they are not always as apparent as everyone thinks they are. The example I’m getting at is Marlee Matlin who is an actor, a writer, and a woman who is Deaf. Not only has she made it in a profession that is very difficult for any individual to succeed in. but she is doing it as a woman with a “disability” (which according to many in the Deaf World isn’t a disability at all, but more on that later).

Recently I was determined to see Matlin in the movie Children of a Lesser God where she became the first Deaf woman to gain an Oscar award for her work as an Actress in a Leading Role. While searching YouTube, I found this incredible clip of Marlee talking about what it means to be a member of society who is seen as “different.”




All in all, I wish everyone could fully accept and appreciate intersecting identities and perseverance as much as Matlin does. Just some food for thought.

These Are Not Your Boyfriend's Jeans

I have a love/hate relationship with “boyfriend” jeans and any other “boyfriend” clothing. I love that they are masculine clothes that come in my size. I hate the offensive heteronormative name for them. As a gay woman, I am not aspiring to find a nice boyfriend, thus I’ll never know the joy of wearing a male lovers clothing. Shucks.

I find the jeans a strange mix of masculine clothing for women, but policing that with a strict hetero-normative reminder to keep women in check. I mean, without the title “boyfriend”, they might as well call them *gasp* “lesbian jeans.” And big retailers just cannot be having their customers getting confused with the lesbians.

So, you have to maintain your heterosexual cutsiness by referencing a boyfriend,even if you don’t have one. Cause, remember, you’re not supposed to look butch or masculine, you’re supposed to look CUTE. Like that time when you were three and trekked around the house in your father’s work boots and everyone thought you were just so damn adorable. It’s just like that.

Due to the fact that I no longer have DVR (and cannot skip through the commercials), I have been forced to watch extremely annoying advertisements for all sorts of products. But I must say one commercial I LOVE watching (besides that cute lizard guy) is the U by Kotex commercials. These Kotex commercials poke fun at other advertisements which portray the menstrual cycle as some euphoric pool/dance party. Not only does it mock silly plots for these ads, it also takes a shot at typical marketing schemes these commercials use to sell their products (i.e. dynamic angle shots, a beautiful model, etc.). This makes for a hilarious commercial.



After looking into the these ads a bit more, I learned that Kotex took it a step up by conducting social experiments about feminine products and female issues in general, and then taped them via hidden camera. My favorite experiment has to be of a man asking strangers to help him pick out some feminine products for his girlfriend. I loved this experiment because: a. it showed a man (although a bit clueless) okay with buying feminine products, b. the people he stopped (both men and women) began to realize how superfluous some of these products were (scented tampons?), and c. when the gentleman asked a women “why would they make tampons out of cardboard?”, her exasperated reply was “it’s a man’s world, and men make these products”--interesting.

Young Feminists

I saw this really neat post on change.org calling for “young feminists” to make shout outs. Today, when the F word is still oh-so-dirty, it is more important than ever for young women to embrace the word and make their beliefs known! Enough with this “I’m a feminist… but” mentality! If you are for the political, economic and social equality of women, then you are a feminist! Feminism is responsible for a bunch of great things, and we shouldn’t let the movement or the word feminist be pushed aside or be deemed as a dirty word.

So say it! I am a young feminist!

Keepin' It Clean

My step-mother called last week and said, “Are you coming home this weekend to help me clean?”

What the hell? I was flabbergasted but managed to hide my true reaction; I even told her I loved her at the end of the call. Maybe I should have told her that it hurt my feelings that she wanted me to come home, not just to visit, but to help her clean. I know she loves me and misses me, but as evidenced by her query, she’s missing my help around the house more than anything else.

I’ve always helped out around the house, and especially now that she’s shown me so much (financial) support as I’ve transitioned to grad school, I want to help her. But I can’t help but be a little bit angry at her for asking me to help clean. My step-brother did his undergraduate degree here at Northern Illinois. She often talks about how he would come home with laundry and she would do it for him. She never does my laundry and I can’t for the life of me picture her calling him and saying, “Will you come home to clean this weekend?”

So because I’m her daughter, her female child, I have to worry about not only adjusting to my new life here on campus, but also housework back home. Maybe I’m overreacting; maybe she’s just working long hours and got a little behind on housework; maybe my father is getting on in age and unable to help her with these duties.

Yeah, right. He’s getting old, but not that old. She wouldn’t expect my father to clean the bathroom or give the kitchen a real scrubbing—she never has, no matter how inconsiderately messy he is. She has scolded me and told me to my face, that, “As a woman, you should want to live in a clean house. Women prefer these things.” I had to look her in the eye, in a rare moment of defiance, and say, “I don’t agree with that. Because I’m a woman I’m supposed to naturally want to clean the bathroom? No way.”

She didn’t come to see things my way during that particular encounter. She believes in clearly defined gender roles. So even though I expressed my views and stood up for myself, I still went upstairs that day and scrubbed the bathroom, just as I did this past weekend. Sigh.

Beyond Appearances

Today I came across an interesting article about a female blogger who is tearing down preconceived notions about women with disabilities, one post at a time. Melissa Blake has been living with Freeman-Sheldon Syndrome for all her life, and life with this syndrome is all she has ever known. To Melissa, this syndrome is a part of her, but it doesn’t dictate her life: a message she has set perfectly clear. In the article, Melissa sets the record straight on life with a disability by clearing up myths such as: “people with disabilities do not work, only want sympathy, are not independent, and do not want or need romantic relationships.” One myth Melissa addressed was that “physically disabled means mentally disabled”.

Melissa writes, “Whenever we’d be out in public, people would ask my parents questions about me when I was right there as if I couldn’t speak for myself. It was frustrating, but I suppose people saw my wheelchair and probably assumed my mind was impaired too.”

This really struck a cord with me since I feel this happens all too often, reinforcing the idea that people judge others based on appearances. It is always refreshing to read articles like this: one that addresses an issue most people shy away from in fear of offending someone or simply not knowing enough speak up. People should really remember how adaptable and resilient humans can be, and at least try to stop those ever-flowing preconceived notions.

To read more from the article: http://www.glamour.com/health-fitness/blogs/vitamin-g/2010/08/5-myths-about-living-with-a-di.html

To check out her blog: http://melissabxoxo.blogspot.com/

*Fun fact: Melissa is an NIU alumna!