Thursday, October 15, 2009

There’s An App for That, and it Pisses Me Off

This past weekend, I came across an article on Jezebel about the new iPhone application by Amp energy drink called “Amp Up Before You Score”. This application has a two-fold purpose. When you see a female that you wish to penetrate, you decide which category (from a list of 24 possibilities) she best fits under. Then, the application provides you with a “cheat sheet” including pick-up lines or insider information to help you smooth-talk your way into this lady's pants. For example, if you want to bang a Punk Rock Girl, “Amp Up Before You Score” provides you with a history of punk rock via Wikipedia, so you can impress her and open up her legs with your knowledge and insight into her very being. And, if* you do score, this app encourages you to brag about it to all your Twitter and Facebook friends.

Obviously this is an idiotic program which I doubt anyone would use. That is not the point. The point is, to quote an excellent movie (Network), “I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to take it anymore”. On a related note, this is not the first time Pepsi has angered the writers of this blog.

The story gets even more interesting when you consider the fact that Northern Illinois University is a “Pepsi Campus”. In 1998, NIU signed a 10 year contract with Pepsi; Pepsi agreed to give NIU at least $400,000 a year in exchange for ‘exclusive pouring rights’**. Well, NIU, I give you at least $10,000 a year (and that doesn’t even include books!). The 12,950 other female students who attend this school and I represent (at a low estimate) nearly $130,000,000 in tuition dollars. Yeah, NIU, Money Talks. And maybe you shouldn’t be taking dirty money from a company that continually takes a dump on the gender that makes up over half of this school’s student population.

*More like when. Because what woman can resist some dude who just ‘gets’ her, ya know?
**I searched very hard to find evidence of this contract renewal. For the purposes of this blog, and because of word-of-mouth, I am assuming it has been renewed. Last time I purchased a soda from a vending machine (September of this year?) it contained Pepsi products.

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