Monday, July 20, 2009

Are You Serious?!?!

I came across this link on a friend's facebook page, and he was, thankfully, equally horrified. I was even more horrified after seeing this web site's tag line at the top: "7 Million Readers A Month." Are there really 7 million people out there that are THIS stupid? Did I miss something? Is this some really dry humor that I am just not in on? If so, accept my early apologies and we'll move on.

If this is real, I suggest a "10 Ways to Combat Idiots" counter-list.

#10 - If your "man" buys you clothes too small, I suggest buying extra large condoms and when he doesn't fit, say, "Oh, well my last boyfriend/husband wore this size. Bummer."

#9 - Buy him Rogaine. No pretense needed. Even if he doesn't need it, if he's suggesting you take yoga under the pretense of stress relief, tell him that you're worried his stress is causing him to go bald. Make mention of the extra hair in the shower.

#8 - When he sets out on his "own weight loss plan" so that you'll get the hint, just ignore the hint. Tell him you're so glad that he's finally realized that he's been letting himself go and tell him to have a great work-out.

#7 - Eat your fill. If he feeds you less than satisfactory portions to shame you into feeling guilty for how much you eat, tell him that he should have another helping as well. No one likes emaciated boyfriends hanging on their arms.

#6 - What? Are they suggesting that the man might share ownership in the fact that intimacy has been replaced by food? Ever think that your girlfriend might find a pint of ice cream more attractive? Surely not.

#5 - Pinch his fat. I'll be this one works both way, huh ladies? If the bicep isn't a problem area, find one and exploit that. If he EVER tugs on your love handles in a shameful rather than adoring way, I'd say the best bet would be to show him to the door. If equal torture is the desired effect, I'd also think that tracing his bald spot (or where one might eventually show up) adoringly and telling him how "cute" it is might also work.

#4 - Buy him something two sizes too small. When he doesn't fit, tell him you saw a hot guy at work wearing it and asked him what size it was and then when promptly went out and bought it for him so he could look that good.

#3 - I don't even know what to say to this. You have got to be kidding.

#2 - Start a pros and cons list between your last boyfriend and your current one. Be sure to list more pros than cons on the former's list and highlight areas where your current boyfriend is lacking.

#1 - Take him home or out with your friends and have them repeatedly mention how handsome your last partner was or how much money he made or the fantastic gifts he gave you.

Now, is any of what I said more healthy than what was suggested in the original mindless post? No, but the point is that no woman who had any shred of respect, much less love, for another human being would do any of the above. If you love someone, weight doesn't matter. What does matter is that even if this article was intended as satire, there are potentially 7 million idiots out there who may not know the difference.

I say if they're going to fight dirty, let's learn to fight dirty back.


  1. That artticle pissed me off. Tremendously. Oh yes, sabotage her chair, but have paper towels at the ready, because and when she falls and cracks her head open and you can sop up all the blood on the floor.

  2. Perhaps there are 7 million completely diluted indivuduals who don't care about the emotional componenet of their relationship. provides the perfect outlet for thier shallow expectations. I would be interested to know if there actually IS a top 10 list that instructs female criticism of male bodies...